Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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