Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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