Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
