Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
