chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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