too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I wish you could order shots online.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
