Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Randomize
