i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
