5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
