when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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