I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
