What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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