You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
