I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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