I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
