you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
