Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
