I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
