i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
