Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
