Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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