You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
