The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
