He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
