yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Alive.
So much puke
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
