I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
that's an acceptable place to lick
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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