I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
