I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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