if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Ketchup is God's man juice
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
