I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
