What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
