Im at strip club and am horny
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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