we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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