It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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