Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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