I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
