waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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