I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
