I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
