WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
