Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
