hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I smell stomach acid.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
