Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
