Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
