remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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