OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
