There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
