If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
