Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
