you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
no you cant smoke seaweed
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
