so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
