May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
