When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
