I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
