We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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