my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
